We should inspire confidence in children and not use expressions that impair self-esteem, not to compare them with their peers or relatives, and not to tell them that something is beyond their power.
These are alphabetical truths in schooling, and many people know them. Still, there are other seemingly harmless phrases behind which obscure messages are hidden. Which are they?
Good work
Saying, “Bravo!” Or “Good kid” every time a kid shows a skill, makes him dependent on your approval, and ruins his own motivation, studies show.
Keep praise for the moments when they are truly justified and be as accurate as possible in other cases.
For example, instead of “You were great on the pitch!”, you could say, “You did a nice pass to your teammate.”
Practice makes us perfect
The more time it takes a child to develop a skill, the better it is mastered. Saying this, however, puts pressure on his fragile psyche. You are sending him the message that if he makes mistakes, then he is not working hard enough. I’ve seen kids hurt themselves just because they’re not the best, even though they try. It’s your job to help your child deal with emotions, not suppress them.
Instead of demanding perfection, support the kids when they work hard. This will make them feel proud of the progress they have made.
You’re fine
When children fall and scratch their knees, most parents instinctively tell them that nothing wrong has happened. But these words can make kids feel even worse. The kid is crying because he’s not well. The parent’s role is to help him deal with his emotions, not to suppress them.
Specialists advise you to hug him, pay attention to the wound, and then turn his attention to something else.
Hurry up
There is hardly a parent who doesn’t utter this phrase, especially on weekdays, when everything is scheduled until the last minute. Well, that’s not right! The child cannot have breakfast and dress at the same time, just so that he is not late for school and you are at work. But by rushing him, you can cause him high stress.
If you soften the tone by saying “Let’s hurry!”, You indicate that you are both on the same team. Or you can turn it into a game like: “Who’s going to put his clothes on first?”
I’m on a diet
If your child watches you climb the scales every day and talk about pounds, calories, and trans fat, he or she will develop an unhealthy attitude towards his or her own reflection in the mirror.
You better say: “I eat healthy because I feel better. I also need to do more sports, and it’s so lovely out there – I’ll go for a walk “.
Not only will this convey your thinking to your child, but it will also inspire him to exercise.
We can’t afford it
This almost always works. Especially when you think buying another toy could spoil the kid. But in doing so, you are sending a subliminal message that you cannot control your finances, which can scare a young person.
The “I’m not going to buy this for you because we’re saving for more important things” will do a better job and can be the basis for a serious conversation about managing your family budget.
Don’t talk to strangers
A young child would have a hard time understanding this remark. It is not good to set your heir to fear of all strangers – you still want him not to grow isolated from others and learn to cope alone in life. So it’s much better to tell him, “If anyone scares you, bothers you, or makes you feel sad, tell me right away,”.
Watch out
Saying this to your child the moment he or she climbs on the frame, increases his or her chances of falling. Your words distract him, and he could lose focus.
If you are worried, you better stay close to him and watch closely without interfering until it is absolutely necessary.
You won’t get a dessert until you finish your dinner
Using this cue, you value the delicacy of the staple food – precisely the opposite of what you strive to achieve.
The saying, “We’ll eat dinner first and after that, the dessert” does a better job.
Let me help you
It is a natural reaction of every parent to say this when he or she sees his or her child trying to do something – to cut a figure out of shape, complete a puzzle, or build a tower of cubes. However, this is not good for him. You are undermining his independence, and he will always seek your help. It would be much better if you asked him guiding questions to help him solve the problem. For example: “What do you think – the small or big piece is more suitable for the fence?”, “Why do you think so?”, “Try again,”…
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