How you can Say ‘No’ Without Being Egoistic
How many times have you done something because you didn’t want to refuse the person who asked you? How many times have you accepted invitations or welcome guests when you didn’t want to?
How many times did you help people who would never return the gesture?
Some people just can’t say “no”
Or better said – they have not yet learned how to say “no.” According to some psychologists, the inability to say “no” to people and to always please them is due to unconscious complexes, and the fear of the individual not to be rejected and lose the favor of others.
However, other causes may be due to a higher dose of kindness or the naivety characteristics of younger people.
Helping our relatives is one of the most important and valuable things we can do in our lives. This brings us satisfaction of ourselves and makes people trust and respect us. Everything is perfect to the point where it brings us pleasure and does not interfere with our own plans.
Some people even tend to ignore their own plans and intentions to please their loved ones, which in most cases do not even know that this becomes a problem for the person in question.
What should we do if we are like the people who can’t say “no?”
Above all, we have to look at our own desires and ask ourselves, “What do I want in this situation?” When we compromise ourselves, it must be for somebody we really care about because otherwise, it’s unfounded.
For example, you do not have to go to your girlfriend’s favorite shop to buy the bracelet she liked so much. Yes, the store is in your neighborhood, but it’s a few bus stops away, and you’re so busy that you cannot waste time on this favor.
Still, the bracelet is for her, and she can organize her plans so she can buy it all by herself when she feels comfortable enough to do so.
Here is another example: another friend of yours is boring, feeling depressed, and wants to hang out and talk. However, you currently have other commitments.
You try to refuse, but you get a sharp reply that qualifies you as “not involved” with her problems, and that you do not show enough understanding towards her troubles and her depressive state.
Ask yourself a question: “Does she understand my commitments?” Also, think about if you were in her place; would you have shown such expressions?
Very often, people who cannot refuse one another build the image of being eternally comprehending and responsive. They “teach” others to look at them as those who can always be asked for service and never refuse to do so.
If you allow yourself to say “No, I cannot,” they blame you and make objections to you. The disapproval and reproach of your relatives make you feel bad and feel guilty even though you realize that you have not done anything wrong. If you look around, you will see how many of your friends and acquaintances are not tortured by such anger and are much better off.
To them, nobody even asks them that they have not come to a meeting. Also, they rarely ask them for “more cheeky” services. This does not mean that they love them less, or that their friends do not care enough about them. They just have more autonomy, and the others have respect for their personal space.
Have the courage to reject favors and compromises when you do not want to do so. If you don’t have it, get it! Be yourself! Do not live for the opinions of people and do not try to please them. Unfortunately, these gestures are rarely repaid by the same people.
There is nothing wrong with helping people, but carefully select the ones who deserve it. Remember that loved ones and friends who love you do not make you feel bad if you can’t do them a favor. Do an experiment – stop being approachable and refuse any favors for a while.
People who do not change their attitude towards you afterward are the ones who really value your relationship. The rest are just freeloaders!
You should have more dignity and be happy and loved by the real people in your life who care about you.
Remember that a moderate dose of egoism is not a bad thing! It’s even healthy and can lead to success!